Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
