So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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