I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
