I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We left the knife in your bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
