I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
