Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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