fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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