omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
