i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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