to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
