I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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