I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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