Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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