My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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