This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
