yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
