His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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