No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hippo gnu deer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
