just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
