Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
