Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
