i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize