This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
