no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
