**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
