sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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