the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
