boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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