She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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