I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
