im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
