she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
