I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
