How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
