Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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