i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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