Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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