11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
