are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
