the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
