Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry about my life...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
