she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
