did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
