We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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