i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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