found the other keg... it's in the tree
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
