when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
