I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
