I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
