It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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