So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
