Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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