it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
