I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize