She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
