man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
