May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
