and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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