Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
