I skipped work to stalk him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had sex on a roof
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
