tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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