i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
