I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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