Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You made out with two different species that night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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