hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
