First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
