I just saw a hot homeless man
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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