i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
