the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
