Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
