Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
