she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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