I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize