we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
